What if you could reinvent yourself as a referee after COVID-19 layoff?

‘How do you want to show up?’ my avatar and I ask RVSOA referees via Virbela.

Note to Coach’s Box readers: This is my weekly column for the Cincinnati Enquirer and Cincinnati.com.

By Mike Bass
mbass@mikebasscoaching.com

You are coming back to a world unlike any you have ever known, and a world you know very well.

You are a high school soccer referee approaching reentry.

Restrictions are easing while COVID-19 lingers. The games are about to resume after roughly a year. You are anxious. Unless you were around for the Spanish flu pandemic a century ago, you never dealt with anything like this. You don’t know exactly what awaits you, besides the usual challenges with coaches, parents and balance.

How do you want to show up?

You have choices, I told referees in a pair of keynote addresses for the Roanoke (Virginia) Valley Soccer Officials Association last month. Sure, you could wing it. What if you could design ways to enhance your experience and maybe even reinvent yourself in your role?

Using the Virbela virtual-reality platform, my avatar (yes, my avatar) started by asking the referees in the auditorium what most worried them about returning. There was no right answer, only what was right for each of them. Among the answers they wrote in the chat box:

“Making the right call.”

“Fitness.”

“Outbreaks.”

“Staying current with the rules.”

Whatever they felt, they felt. The important part was seeing they were not the only ones feeling some angst.

I then asked, “What has you most excited about returning?” They posted answers such as:

“Sense of normalcy.”

“Watching kids play.”

“See the other refs.”

“Honoring the game.”

All great answers. All important. That, I said, is how you can start easing the stress over returning: Gratitude. Enthusiasm. Reminding yourself why you do this.

Here is another: Remember how you felt when COVID first shut down everything? You eventually figured out how to get through that, and you can figure out this, too. A little confidence can help. So can some game-planning.

First, step back and see the world as it really is today. What are the givens? The game. The rules. Your role, with set parameters. What is the X Factor? We are. People are.

Players, coaches, parents and you all are back after a long layoff. COVID has eased but not left, and it has affected us, directly or indirectly. We have not been at our best the last year or so. I hear it all the time. Our routines, jobs, families, schools, recreation – our lives – have been disrupted. COVID fatigue is real. Everyone might not be in the same place physically, mentally and emotionally. Everyone might react differently. That reality awaits you.

Want more reality? Everyone might not be in the same place in every … single … soccer match. People see through their own eyes, with their own agendas. As the referee, you can see choose to see the whole picture and accept that others might not have your neutrality or your command of the rules. You can choose how to show up, in your role. How will doing that help you? These were some comments:

“Puts everything in the right context.”

“Empathy, explaining rules.”

“Teachable moments.”

“Adjusting to age level.”

Terrific. Next, think about what you value most in yourself as a referee. Which are your top two or three values? These were some of the answers posted:

“Communicativeness, Honesty, Safety.”

“Mindfulness.

“Fairness, enjoyment, serving.”

“Understanding, enjoyment, sensitivity.”

“Integrity.

“Helping the kids have a good experience.”

Excellent. Now it is time to press reset.

Returning after a long layoff seems an opportune time to display your makeover or begin a do-over, but you can do this anytime. All you need is motivation and a game plan.

You can start with your healthy boundaries. These are the parameters you can set, within the parameters set for you. (In other words, if you have to use a whistle, don’t substitute an air horn just because you value humor.) Think of actions that align with your values and boundaries and how you want to show up.

Here were some examples of what the referees posted:

“I will take a deep breath when the parents begin to complain.”

“If an (argument) happens, I will stay calm.”

“Laugh when the coach gets angry.”

“If I start feeling stressed, I will remember why I like to referee.”

“Breathe, acknowledge, respond to every situation.”

A few mentioned balancing refereeing and the rest of their lives. Powerful goal. Next, break down what balance will look like for each of you and your steps to achieve it.

No matter what you choose, let go of being perfect. You are learning and practicing new skills. Think in small steps. Start with something meaningful and easily attainable, give yourself credit for doing it, and then move on. Let me know if I can help.

Or you can wing it.

You make the call.

You are the referee.